Easy Steps In Helping Your Husband to Stop From Watching Porn
People enjoyed watching porn videos. This is the reality nowadays.
And men in general are struggling literally to achieve their goal-- overcoming porn addiction.
But it does not mean that those people are “bad” or somehow morally corrupt. But if pornography makes you uncomfortable, knowing that your husband enjoys it can put a strain on your marriage.
The best way to solve your problem is to communicate openly and honestly with your husband and be with him on his journey towards porn addiction treatment.
Here are the easy steps you can take to find solution on how to overcome porn addiction:
Get ready.
Here it is…
STEP #1: TALK HONESTLY TO YOUR HUSBAND
Write down your main points.
Maybe you have recently discovered that your husband looks at porn or perhaps this has been ongoing issue in your relationship. Either way, it is time to have an honest conversation about your feelings.
Prepare to have an open conversation about the problem. Your first step is to figure out your feelings.
Ask yourself why you object to his watching porn. Is it a religious issue for you? Or is it against your moral code?
Choose some words that describe how you are feeling. Be descriptive with words such as “frustrated”, “worried” or “nervous”.
Make a list of the things you want to say. This will help you to stay on track during the conversation and make sure that you make your points clear.
Choose the right time.
Talking to your husband about his porn addiction is an important conversation. You want to make sure that you allow yourselves time to deal with this tough topic. Take care to choose an appropriate time to have this talk.
Try to avoid having this conversation late at night or early in the morning. You two will not be at your emotional best if you are tired.
Give him a heads up. Try saying, “I have something important to talk to you about. When is a good time for you?”
Don’t rush the conversation. Choose a time when you know neither or you will be rushing out the door to work or being interrupted by the kids.
Be non-judgmental.
You might have a serious dislike to pornography. Those are your feelings and that is okay. However, try not to base your talk with your husband purely on judgment.
Try to use “I” statements. For example, you can say, “I feel very uncomfortable when you watch porn videos in our home”.
These types of statements are more effective than “you” statements. Your husband will likely be defensive if you say something such as “When you watch porn, you make me mad”.
Avoid eraser words. For example, try not to say “I love you, but your porn addiction is disgusting”. Eraser words like “but” contradict everything that was said before “but”.
Ask him.
It is important that you let your husband know how you are feeling. However, do not forget that effective conversations allow both of the participants to talk. Make some effort to understand your husband’s point of view.
Ask open-ended questions. For example, you could say, “Why is it important to you to watch porn?”
Make it a point to ask for further information. Try saying, “So porn makes you feel excited. Is there another way you could achieve that same feeling?”
Ask for new information. Consider saying, “How do you see us resolving this issue?”
Listen carefully.
Asking questions is an important part of having a constructive conversation. It is equally critical that you actually listen to the answers. Make it clear to your husband that you are listening carefully to his point of view.
Use non-verbal cues. You can indicate that you are listening by maintaining eye contact and making gestures such as nodding your head in understanding.
Try paraphrasing. You can say something like, “I hear you saying that this is a long-time addiction. Is that right?
Show respect. Allow your husband to finish his thoughts and sentences without interrupting.
STEP #2: WORKING TOGETHER TO FIND A SOLUTION
Give yourselves enough time.
Once you have had a constructive conversation about the topic, it is time to start working towards finding a solution. Do not expect that you will be able to resolve the situation overnight. This is a sensitive subject that might take a while to figure out.
Allow yourselves time to reflect. Remember that your first conversation on the subject does not have to result in resolution.
After talking to your husband, take a few days to think about how you feel. Where you able to effectively communicate? Do you feel at all better about the situation?
Start thinking about possible solutions. Write down any ideas that you have. Writing things down can help you to gain mental clarity.
Keep the communication open.
Once you have addressed the topic for the first time, make sure that you keep the discussion going. You do not have to talk about it every day but let your husband know that you still have things to talk about. Tell him that you would like to work together to find a solution.
It is possible that your discussion of porn addiction led to an argument. That is normal. Many couples fight about what are called “hot” issues.
Take some time to cool down. Say to your husband, “This conversation is not productive right now. Let’s walk away and take a little time to breathe.”
Revitalize your sex life.
Many men say that they like to watch porn videos because it excites them. That does not mean that you are not attractive or that he does not enjoy having sex with you. It just means that sometimes he is looking for something different.
Try making some changes to your sex life. Maybe you have been stuck in a rut lately.
Make an effort to have sex at unusual times and indifferent places. For example, you could approach your husband in his morning shower.
Talk to one another about your sexual desires. You can explain what you want and listen to what would make your husband happy.
Make an intimacy a priority.
Intimacy is an important component of a healthy marriage. There are different types of intimacy. Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy are two examples.
Become emotionally intimate with your husband. This means being able to tell each other anything. Make it clear that no topic is off the table.
Try saying, “I understand that sometimes you have an urge to watch porn videos. I want to know that you can talk to me about how you are feeling”.
Be physically intimate by taking time to kiss and hug each day. Touch each other affectionately and do small things like holding hands.
STEP #3: REFLECTING ON YOUR EMOTIONS
Consider therapy.
When one partner wants to watch porn videos and the other doesn’t, that can be a very tricky situation. Consider talking to an expert. Marriage counseling can be very useful in helping couples work through sensitive issues.
Find the right counselor. Ask your physician to make a recommendation on how to stop his porn addiction.
Read online reviews. Look for a licensed therapist who specializes in relationship issues.
Get some advice.
Trying to get your husband to stop watching porn can be a frustrating situation. Remember that you do not have to go through this alone. You could seek individual counseling support to the following:
Perhaps you have a spiritual adviser like a priest or minister who could offer you some guidance.
Lean on friends, relatives or family. It is fine if you do not want to give any details about your marital problems. But you can still say, “We are going through a rough time now and pray for us”.
As what they have said, Love conquers all. No matter how hard the problem is, it will pass away. And if you are a loving wife, do not stop loving your husband as he goes through his porn addiction treatment.
Be with him on this journey and win him back again.
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